My Meditation Story: A Journey from Anxiety to Healing
Years ago, I went through what I now recognise as postnatal depression. It all started after the birth of my second child, who fell seriously ill and was hospitalised with a virus at just two weeks old. Watching him turn blue in front of me, struggling to breathe, was a moment of unimaginable fear. Although he recovered, the shock of that experience set me on a path of deep anxiety and depression, accompanied by what I later learned were severe panic attacks. The situation worsened when we moved to an isolated location eight months later.
With two young children under two, I found myself increasingly isolated, and the panic attacks grew more frequent and intense. I didn’t know what was happening to me at the time. The attacks felt like I was dying, and I didn’t realise they were panic attacks. When I sought help from healthcare professionals, I was given everything from asthma inhalers to ECGs, but no one ever suggested that my symptoms might be rooted in anxiety. One doctor offered me pills to help ‘calm me down’, which at the time I didn’t want to take, but the underlying cause remained unaddressed, leaving me convinced that something was physically wrong.
As the panic and anxiety attacks persisted, they gradually turned into agoraphobia. I became too afraid to leave the house, worried that another attack might strike. I stopped driving on motorways and avoided long journeys unless someone was with me. It was a vicious cycle.
During an attack, it felt as though the air supply to my nose had been cut off. I would become intensely hot, experience pins and needles down my arms and in my hands, and suffer severe palpitations, as if I could feel and see my heart pounding. The sensation of impending blackout was terrifying. These attacks came without warning, even waking me from sleep. I was living in constant fear, trapped in a relentless cycle of anxiety.
Then, my husband suggested I try yoga. At first, I thought he must be joking—here I was, feeling like I was dying, and he thought yoga would save me? But he explained that he believed the philosophy of yoga, along with its breathing techniques and meditative practices, might help. As it turned out, he was right.
His suggestion sparked a curiosity in me. On a rare trip out, I stumbled across a second-hand book titled ‘Yoga for Women’. It cost just 10 pence and had a ripped corner on the front cover—I can still picture it now. But in the back of that book was a chapter dedicated to postnatal depression, panic, and anxiety attacks, and how meditation could help. There was an entire section on learning to meditate.
Finally, I began to understand what was happening to my body. My physical symptoms were being triggered by anxiety, panic, and fear – I was in constant flight mode with nowhere to run. Once I realised this, something clicked. I became curious, and my healing journey began. I started using the exercises in the book, and every evening, I took 20 minutes to practice meditation.
I’m not going to pretend that I’ve been the perfect practitioner. Since then, there have been years when I’ve barely meditated and others where I’ve been deeply devoted. I don’t claim that meditation is a cure-all for everyone dealing with stress, anxiety, and depression. Everyone is individual with varying symptoms and ways of dealing with things.
My anxiety and stress has also found other ways to surface over the years, and I’ve resorted to unhelpful coping mechanisms—overworking and overachieving being two examples (I’ll write about those another time). But my meditation and yoga journey has deepened, and during difficult and challenging times, there’s one thing I come back to, over and over again: meditation. I’d go as far as to say that meditation saved my life and continues to enhance it to this day.
I’m sharing my story in the hope that it might help someone else who is struggling with similar issues. If you’re considering meditation, I encourage you to give it a try. It has the power to heal and transform your health, wellbeing and life.
Namaste and thank-you for reading my health and wellbeing coaching blog.
- If you're ready to start your own journey from panic to peace and interested in finding out how health and wellbeing coaching can help then contact me for a free 30 minute discovery call - simone@simonesearcoach.co.uk
- If you're struggling with stress, anxiety and depression and/or a mental health crisis then please contact a healthcare professional.
- If you or someone else is experiencing a mental health crisis then contact NHS 111 - option 2